Prep
The morning co-anchors on the most experienced local news crew are still clinging to the belief that the OWS movement is not going away. They deliver their predictably depressing canned NBC reports nearly every morning. The sunrise duo’s assessment may prove correct, but let’s face the fact that OWS is going anywhere. There are a number of factors that are working against any success the faction of malcontents crave. The classless society is a delusion. Their revolution is fizzling.
Wash
Marketing. Yes, you had sympathetic reporters covering your event. Something is amiss when their numbers are greater than the demonstrators. Some are still present waiting for that one big headline-grabbing story. Visits by celebrities were nothing more than photo-ops. They never really joined the troupe, preferring to quickly retreat to their comfy condos, gated communities, and palatial estates. None volunteered to contribute to the construction of reeducation camps or the building of a guillotine. Oh, ditch the clenched fist on your website. Replace it with a link to Amazon’s Barbeque’n with Bobby page.
Political Clout. Politicians who loved your enthusiasm at the revolution’s onset are now scarcely seen or heard. San Fran Nan distanced herself from the Oakland shipyard. The President jetted to Cannes and Hawaii. Chuckie is engaged in mending fences with leaders of the banking, investment, and securities industries. Andy set a curfew for Lafayette Park upstate and Bloomy ordered a raid downstate. Maybe they will appear in your midst on 23 November. Don’t count on that happening. Members of Congress have a Gang of 12 Report deadline to process; and, the POTUS must pardon a turkey.
Social Media. The government forgot to hit the kill switch as the Ben Ali and Mubarak regimes did during uprisings in Tunisia and Egypt. Texting, tweeting, and talking continues. Everyone keeps on chatting using their latest iPhone 4S. Facebook still works and you get porn with that too. That’s one less thing to bitch about. Here’s a news flash: this is a non-event. What gives with that? You’ve got mail.
Sanitation. All the defecating in public is more than a tad revolting. Among the lessons missed in kindergarten were “Flush”, “Clean up your own mess”, and “Look”. Social promotion is profoundly flawed. Kaftan clad inhabitants “going on the go” while casually strolling in Tahrir Square is normal, but not here. Duh, even dog-walkers carry poopie bags. Where did you think you were? Public bowel movements in this country have been taboo since Lockwood Library was closed after the firebombing in 1970.
Dry
Music. The earsplitting reverberations of the incessant thumps from the membranophones could not even attract a Sasquatch. The chanting was so medieval and popish. “Four Rapes in Zuccotti Park” does not have the impact as “Four Dead in Ohio.” There are thousands of radio stations airing a full assortment of melodious genres, yet none are featuring your dreadfully harsh sound. It simply does not cut it. It would not have been a hit on American Bandstand either, if that is any consolation. “You can’t dance to it, Dick.”
The March. The 2-week and 240-mile Occupy Wall Street (OWS) march from Liberty Square in Manhattan’s financial district to McPherson Square near the White House in Washington is comical. It pales in comparison to 53-week and 8000-mile Long March. That was a campaign. Come on OWS. You have some nerve characterizing your hike as “epic.” What army is hot on your heels? No pitched battles during your modest saunter. Not even a skirmish. Do you plan on losing 90% of your mob from wounds, hunger, and altitude sickness in New Jersey? You are too soft and lazy. Unleash a campaign for goodness sake. Show some passion, hardship, sacrifice. Did anyone consider a trek from Liberty Square to the Denali National Park?
Strikes. Where are the violent prolonged work stoppages? The one day affair authorized by the ninny posing as a mayor was a dud. Sanitation workers are cleaning your debris, and the cops are doing their level best protecting and serving. The overtime pay is surely welcomed. No nationally sanctioned work stoppages by the SEIU, UAW, ILO, or Teamsters. The unions threw OWS under the car, bus, train, and plane. The military has not mutinied either. The peasants have not bonded with you as they did during the Tambov Rebellion. Hell, the National Basketball Association players are in court and not on your lines. They hope for a ruling more favorable than the one you received from the judge shortly after 4 PM on 15 November. Legal brief: it’s Nacho Park. The thing at Berkley is that SNAFU has existed for better than a half-century. What gives with that?
The military. The military has not mutinied either. No shots from anything resembling the Potemkin. Not a soul has left the barracks as they did during Kronstadt 90 years ago. Fly-overs take place at NASCAR events, but not in conjunction with demonstrations at the Brooklyn Bridge. Do not even wonder about the lack of their support. They might tell if you ask.
Significant Event. Successful revolutions have one particular pivotal episode that serves as a rallying point. Americans value Independence Day, complete with family picnics and firework displays. Bastille Day is a national holiday in France. Free the inmates, surrounded by razor wire and deprived of HBO, from their diet of baloney sandwiches, in Joe’s Arizona tented lockup. For the past 50 years the government of Cuba has declared the Bahia de Cochinos off limits to cruising yachts. The closest thing the OWS has to that is a Park of Pigs off limit to all but the least discriminative.
Fold
Lack of a martyr. Hey people, nobody is going to throw you to the lions. Not one single protestor among the scores of riffraff in a couple dozen cities has taken the match to the can. Is the high cost of petrol preventing a reenactment of Thich Quang Duc’s or Mohammed Bouazizi’s self-immolations? Dying from a STD contracted in Cleveland’s Public Square a decade from now is too remote. Carpe diem. Let’em sing “Abraham, Martin, John, and (insert name here).”
OWS was a foolish lark from its inception. It is time to bring into play the Peterbuilt Leach II Packers and the Johnston VT650s. The OWS is no more sustainable as the republic’s escalating debt. The pigeons passionately want and desperately need to reoccupy their parks. Following Judge Stallman’s decision late in the afternoon on 15 November, the pigeons and all their friends may… come back.
That’s done
Time to vacuum.
